Living in the Present, Holiday thoughts
For everyone feeling merry and those not-so-merry folks, I wish you a peaceful holiday season with lots of rest and good food. It can be a highly stressful time of year for some, and I feel for you. I take every year in stride, it's a little different each year. With the eldest being home from college, this Christmas is a little more special than last year. Last year, either I was facing depression or just an apathetic lack of spirit because I don’t even think I mustered getting the tree up. I don’t remember. It was a little less festive. But this year, since my daughter is back, I’m all for it. I will miss those we’ve lost, but we’re remembering the children and keeping it positive. There’s been ornament making, baking, cooking, and a stocked fridge of goodies. We’re trying. Most gifts under the tree will be late, but we’ll see what the online elves can do for us before Christmas.
I got the most touching card from a dear friend and reader that was so beautiful and meaningful to me that I have been reading it over and over and tearing up as I read it. I write for a small audience so I’m unaware of my impact, but I am making a difference to at least a few people. This kindness has pushed me to continue writing and sharing my art and photography. Harlem Mama has been an outlet for my creativity for many years and I think being on substack instead of blogger has made me feel like I have a more polished product and I have much better analytics to gauge my readers. So I will keep on keeping on. Thank you, dear friend, you know who you are for a card that showed up right on time and with so much heartfelt compassion and kindness that I will take into the new year.
Instagram has also kept me festive with the knitted frogs, dressed-up pups, and miniature-baking butterflies and moths…all cuteness overload that I gladly soak up. Yes, I still see the destruction of innocent souls around the planet and I still speak on injustice when I can. But I cannot be so disheartened by the decisions of people so out of touch with humanity that I lose my humanity and remember to enjoy this festive season. Along the mantle, I’ve placed Christmas lights and Buddhist prayer flags. I’m incorporating more of me in the celebration. I also took the time to pull my Tarot cards for Winter Solstice, hoping to get an idea of where I’m headed.
I’m starting ceramics and violin lessons in the new year. I have this idea that I will be able to play a Chopin piece after a year. Many of his pieces can be converted into violin solos and there are books out there to prove it. But that is quite a lofty goal for someone who hasn’t picked up a violin in 20 years. But I am playing my late brother’s violin and when I say it has a rich, beautiful sound, I am happy to report I kid you not. It is a beautiful violin and I look forward to practicing and hopefully performing with it. I’ve decided that my children aging and becoming more independent is the best time for me to get back to focusing on my inner growth. I encourage you to do the same. Look into continuing education classes at your local universities and colleges. They are usually affordable and the timing of the classes is conducive to adult schedules. Whether you’ve dreamed of painting or taking a business class, schools have many options for us. We should take advantage of them more. In my county, we have an art center strictly devoted to the arts. They have an ever-changing plethora of classes so I try to take one every few years. I hope to be more of a regular there as the children need me less.
I’m reading a book titled The Actual Star by Monica Byrne. It has me itching to get back to Central America and visit the beautiful caves and cenotes. I love this idea of incorporating past, present, and future all into one book and tying themes together. Lovely book. I’m not done yet. It has been on my library list for a while now and I just decided to get it. I have dreams of exploring more of the world one day. I want to pay off some things and then get to traveling more. But I don’t mind exploring close to home as well. We’re spending Christmas Day hiking in the mountains and ziplining the next day. It’s a different way to spend Christmas, but I think it should be fun.
I encourage all of you to live life fully. Even though I feel fine, my mammograms are questionable and my kidneys are not that great. I have all the problems an overweight bipolar hypertensive diabetic can have. But I don’t let that stop me. I listen to my doctors and I take my meds. But I also know that I have to live now and not wait until some magical period in my life to live life fully. Living life fully has to happen now, in the present. Today is the blessing I’ve been given. Waking up knowing that it could all be over in an instant motivates me to keep living. I dress up and take pictures, no matter how fat I feel. I wear bathing suits. I’m not hiding from anyone, even exes who remember me as a size 0. I’m living for me, not my Facebook friends of yesteryears, and perceptions of me that are most likely outdated. If I feel cute, I will take a picture and I will not delete it later. I want a record of my time here, pictures my grandkids if I get any can share with their grandkids when I’m long gone. Seeing how treasured finding pictures of my ancestors has been since we began our genealogy search, I know the power of a picture. It may mean nothing now, but someone may enjoy seeing an ancestor with their nose or eyes a hundred years from now. That’s the beauty of the Internet, unless we have a true apocalypse, it’ll most likely be here. Cultivate that for the future, I say. Let them see what we were passionate about and record the daily somebody someday can look back and smile.
For example, one of my favorite books this year was Alice Walker’s journal Gathering Blossoms Under Fire, which was epic for me. She truly is a living legend. Her journals are fascinating and I’m so glad she shared them. More will come one day, and I hope to see them. Her writing inspires me to see beauty everywhere, even in lost relationships or missed opportunities. She is a fascinating archivist of memories. Please, as I’ve said before in past writings, give her her flowers now while she is with us. Praise her and tell her how amazing she is as a national treasure. Say it now.
So now, I close with a prayer. Lord, see to it that all reading this know they are appreciated. Lift those weary in this season and not celebrating to find time for their growth and personal celebrations. May we all walk into 2024 confident and blazing a trail of our own making, our passions leading the way to our infinite joy. Guide us, hold us, and love us as you always do. Peace Love and Blessings to all. Amen.